STOP ASKING “CAN I STILL?” AND START ASKING “HOW CAN I?”

After a chronic illness diagnosis, “Can I still?” can become a surprisingly big question.

Can I still work the way I planned? Can I travel? Exercise? Build a business? Show up for the people I love? Pursue the goals I had before my diagnosis?

I’ve asked myself plenty of versions of those questions while living with Multiple Sclerosis. And let’s be clear, sometimes there are very real limitations we have to acknowledge. I’m never going to tell someone to ignore what their body is communicating just to prove they can do something. That’s not empowerment. That’s ignoring information we actually need.

What I have learned, though, is to challenge the assumption that different automatically means impossible. So instead of immediately asking myself, “Can I still do this?” I try to ask, “How can I make this work for me?”

That question gives me somewhere to go. Maybe I need an accommodation. Maybe I can do the thing, but I need to pace myself differently or plan for recovery afterward. Maybe I need to ask for help instead of trying to muscle through it alone. Or maybe the way I used to do something simply doesn’t work anymore, and I need to find another way that fits the body and life I have now.

And sometimes, after considering all of that, the answer really is no. That’s information too, and it doesn’t make us failures.

One of the things I’ve learned through both living with chronic illness and coaching women through major life transitions is how important it is to separate “this needs to look different” from “this is no longer possible.” Those are two very different things, but when life changes unexpectedly, it can be easy to treat them like they mean the same thing.

Living with chronic illness may require us to get creative. We may need more flexibility, stronger boundaries, additional support, or a completely different plan than the one we originally imagined. But we don’t have to approach every opportunity assuming our diagnosis has already made the decision for us.

So when you catch yourself asking, “Can I still?,” don’t be afraid to stay with the question a little longer. What do you need? What can be adjusted? What support is available? Is there another route that still gets you where you want to go?

Adaptation doesn’t automatically move us further away from the life we want. Sometimes it’s exactly how we keep moving toward it.