REWRITING YOU BODY’S NARRATIVE: A PRACTICE IN NONATTACHMENT
As an ILLfluencer, I’ve spent months advocating, providing resources and information with the hope that it would resonate with the fellow Black women who look to We Are ILL, much like I did in the early stages of my diagnosis. When I was offered this opportunity, I was so excited to be able to hold this kind of space, to share my experience as a yoga teacher, and hopefully offer a different perspective and way for others to care for themselves. What I did not anticipate was how it would begin to help me reshape my body’s narrative. Not only that, but how it would force me to sit with my own feelings of grief, shame, anger, confusion, and all the other emotions that come with this journey. Being an ILLfluencer is a mirror that I never imagined. I’ve always been an advocate by nature, but this experience hits different.
As Black women living with MS, it’s hard not to make our entire lives about the diagnosis that we didn't ask for. It’s hard to see our minds and our bodies compete with one another when all we really want is to be in sync and to experience some form of synergy. I am a yoga teacher living with MS, but I don’t look like I’m a yoga teacher living with MS. This challenges me in a way that I didn’t anticipate. Which brings me back to the concept of rewriting my body’s narrative.
Recently, I’ve found myself navigating a period where symptoms have returned. I’ve had to cancel classes when all I really wanted to do was show up, but how do I show up for others when it’s hard to show up for myself? I find myself having to surrender to how I thought things would be versus how they actually are. Luckily, I have a solid support system who keep me grounded and remind me that I don’t have to feel guilty for having to take a step back.
I won’t pretend that it’s easy because how I show up matters to me, and I’m sure you can resonate with that. I’m learning not to fixate on what my body can and cannot do. Sometimes, it feels absolutely impossible. All I want to do is scream, be angry, and cry. It’s a daily battle of learning how to surrender and how to practice nonattachment. In yoga, nonattachment (Aparigraha) is a key principle that encourages letting go of desires, possessions, and the need to control outcomes.
Today I challenge you to rewrite your body’s narrative from the lens of nonattachment. Questions to ask yourself:
What are the things that you are still grateful for?
What are the functions your body provides on a daily basis that allow you to continue this thing called life even if it doesn’t reflect the outcome you initially envisioned?
What strengths have you developed along this journey?
What have you learned about yourself?
Who are you now on the other side of your diagnosis?
My hope in sharing this is that it will offer you the opportunity to do the same. On the days when nonattachment feels out of reach, remember: Grace is a practice too. Your body is still yours. Your story is still unfolding. Let this be your reminder that your body is worthy of care, even when it's changing. Your breath is enough. Your practice whether it’s movement, stillness, or rest is valid, and you never have to feel guilty for it.
