MARRIAGE AND MS: HOLDING ON TO EACH OTHER THROUGH IT ALL
When a chronic illness like multiple sclerosis (MS) enters a marriage, it doesn’t just affect one person, it becomes a shared journey. MS is unpredictable, often invisible, and can bring about significant physical and emotional changes. But your love can be resilient even in the face of uncertainty.
One of the first and most important steps after a diagnosis is learning together. But after being married only two years at the time I was diagnosed, I feared whether we had what it took to get through this together. Because MS can cause symptoms that are not always visible, I had apprehension that my symptoms would be taken seriously by my husband. We decided to both become informed, and that built empathy. When the spouse without MS becomes better equipped it helps your MSer feel seen and heard. We became a united front. Once we did that, it created emotional safety.
MS can shake the foundation of a marriage if communication breaks down. Consistent communication must be non-negotiable. Resentment festers when needs go unspoken. The MSer may feel guilty or fear becoming a burden, while the other spouse may struggle with feeling helpless or overwhelmed. Darryl and I felt those feelings but instead of allowing it to continue, we committed to strengthening our communication.
We created regular check-ins. Asking each other:
“How are you really feeling today?”
“What do you need from me emotionally?”
“What do you wish I understood better?
These simple yet vital questions became the game changer for our communication. We no longer assumed but we discussed.
As MS progresses, roles may shift. One may take on more household responsibilities or be more of the caregiver. Shifts can strain a marriage unless couples intentionally reaffirm their love and respect for one another. It’s okay to grieve what was but don’t stop building what can still be. Build something new. Celebrate the wins, even small. Whether it’s a walk around the block or a dinner made together, cherish the shared moments.
Intimacy and vulnerability matter in marriage and make a strong foundation. But intimacy isn’t just physical, it’s being emotionally naked too. It’s sharing fears, dreams, and letting your spouse into the intricate places of our heart. If MS has impacted your connection, explore new ways to be intimate through touch, words, quality time, or shared laughter. You are not just a patient or a caregiver, you’re still loving partners.
It’s easy for your roles to become centered around the disease. But don’t forget the core of who you are: lovers, teammates, and friends. Schedule date nights. Revisit shared goals. Reignite your “why” for saying “I do.” Marriage and MS is not an easy road, but it can be a meaningful one. With patience, honest communication, and grace, your relationship can grow deeper than you ever imagined. MS may bring storms, but it can’t erase the love you’ve built if you choose each other every day.
